portraits | 12-4-14

kaylen

Kaylen's comments: 

1. Brilliant's criteria
1. I don't look like what I expected. You know how in your brain you have an idea of yourself, well I am still getting used to the way I look in reality, or in these pictures, compared to how my brain presents me. I don't think either is better, they are just different. In the smiling picture I am closer to the face I see in my head when I think of myself. 
2. In the smiling photo I am friendly. The crinkled eyes make me think of how I will probably be smiling the same smile in about 50 years. Its welcoming and easy, casual. In the other photo I seem to be much more aware of the camera. I am clearly thinking about how to present myself and questioning the viewer at the same time. I also seem to be swallowing something, holding something back maybe. Not so much reserved as suspicious. Since I am both friendly and suspicious at the same time it is not surprising that these photos show two different, but true, realities. Usually my suspicion is covered up by a friendly presentation. Though I truly and genuinely am friendly, I will also truly and genuinely not trust people who I call friends, I am usually very slow to trust people, even people I like and am friends with.
3. The photos do not present much of my identity. I am clearly female, but this is not highlighted in the photos. I own clothing and earrings, which does not say much to where in society I "rank".  Nothing in the photo would suggest I am a student. 
2. I believe the photographer chose the smiling photo as the "real" and the not smiling one as the ideal. The real does look and feel less like the I was posing instead of just responding. The smile there looks like I did not think about how to present myself but was rather just expressing welcome and enjoyment with out considering how the recipient might perceive it. The 'Ideal' photo, on the other hand, clearly suggests I am planning what the camera will receive. I am refusing to turn my head to the camera, but am watching it all the same. My mouth suggests it is o the verge of communicating something, but it is unclear if it will be negative or positive. However my thought through responses to people is more of "who I am" than just friendly. In fact if asked I would say I am more skeptical than I am friendly which would suggest that what I believe the photographer has identified as 'ideal' is actually more real.
3. The lighting is very natural but strong. Nothing is hidden on the face. Not so the background. We do not see much of the setting, only dark shapes that suggest in doors. The colors are mostly bland, except the blue earrings. This and the natural strong light make both photos very real life, almost a gritty reality. 
4. As mentioned above, the portrait, while recognizing my gender does not really speak into it. While in the non smiling photo I am lower than the camera, suggesting it is perhaps male, my attitude towards the camera in this photo is not that of a traditional female subject. In fact if the two photos carry anything similarly in what I am like it is direct. Both the smile and the 'evaluation' look are frank and direct. This breaks the gender stereotype response to the camera. In the smiling photo the camera could be either male or female, but since the other photo suggests a male camera I will call it a male camera for both. 
5. As already suggested, both of these photos represent a part of my self. I find it hard to understand the concept of a 'false self'. It is usually discussed as an idea of what happens when people do not act as they would have desired to act. I would argue you can not act any other way. When giving in to pear pressure that is part of who you are. As communal beings that is naturally a part of everyone, but to differing degrees. Those who respond more are simply those people who value others opinions of them more than others do, and that is a part of who they are. Again any decision was made for a reason, and part of being human is having conflicting desires, yet always we chose the one we want most. Always we are acting as ourselves and as no one else. To my understanding there is no false self, there is an ideal self for which we strive, but no false self. 
6. Yes, it is a portrait- it is taken for the purpose of representing in my physical and nonphysical identity. 

other portraits: